Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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