i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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