ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
