I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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