I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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