How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
