Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
