i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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