just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
