the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
