In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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