If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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