Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
