Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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