I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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