Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
