He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
