I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
