guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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