He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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