I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i now understand why vodka
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
