Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
