Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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