he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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