I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
