you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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