I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
