I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
