I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
