I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
