I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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