So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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