Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
