Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did not marry a roomba.
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