the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
