and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
