My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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