Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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