She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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