the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
