I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
