Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
