hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
