so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
