I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
