he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
