my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
