Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
