After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
