He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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