508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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