There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
