Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
