I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
