She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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